Last night I went home a little discouraged. Maybe it was the empty feeling of finishing Mad Men season 2, maybe it was the emotional SportsCenter coverage of the US women’s soccer team defeating Brazil, maybe it was my estrogen flaring up, but I couldn’t kick the distinct feeling of needing to cry. I think I’m mostly feeling down about not contributing meaningfully to work, and not knowing where or how to start.
This morning I came to work with a better attitude. “It’s only Day 3,” I reminded myself. Since 8:30, I’ve had a few co-worker interactions that have lifted my spirits considerably. First, I was invited to look at baby pictures of a new grandson named Beckett. Then I was asked to determine if a certain dress was black or navy (after much debate, I voted navy). Minutes later, Randy showed off a photo album of his recent trip to Israel. The pictures were almost as amazing as the stories accompanying them. He had pictures of the walls of Jericho, the slab on which Jesus was laid in the tomb, camels in the desert, and the Dome of the Rock.
When the last picture was turned over, I said something about needing to travel there, to which he responded jokingly (but sort of seriously), that he’s going back in September to do some research and work with/speak at Hebrew University… and he’s always looking for research assistants. By the way, this guy teaches classes on Hostage Negotiation and Communication & Terrorism (he’s analyzed a lot of al-Queda’s messages. Read: HE’S A BIG DEAL. But also a notorious prankster, heh hehhh. On his way out he stopped to tell me more about his research goals, and said to let him know if I’m interested. (DUH!)
Feeling encouraged, I thumbed to July 13th in Jesus Calling to read today’s message:
“I want you to experience the riches of your salvation: the Joy of being loved constantly and perfectly. You make a practice of judging yourself, based on how you look or behave or feel. If you like what you see in the mirror, you feel a bit more worthy of My Love. When things are going smoothly and your performance seems adequate, you find it easier to believe you are My beloved child. When you feel discouraged, you tend to look inward so you can correct whatever is wrong.
Instead of trying to “fix” fix yourself, fix your gaze on Me, the Lover of your soul. Rather than using your energy to judge yourself, redirect it to praising Me. Remember that I see you clothed in My righteousness, radiant in My perfect Love”
I bolded the line that most stood out to me. What a great reminder! I am so thankful for this job, and I need to realize that it’s not going to be easy or come naturally right off the bat. I need to redirect my focus when I’m frustrated because, ultimately, it’s not really about me.